Mother's Day is great, but October is always the month where I reflect on motherhood and try to prioritize a parenting book. It's the month when I became a mom and met my kids. As I mark six years of being a mom, I'm sharing a hodgepodge of parenting notes to try to encapsulate my parenting experience and approach:
Motherhood is incredibly personal (my unique circumstances, feelings, personality, experiences) yet comfortingly universal (oh, you too have a child to feed, nap, love, and care for).
As soon as I had more than one child, I realized how drastically different they are and how much temperament influences circumstances and interactions.
Parenting is a lot of things. I often find it both pleasant and unpleasant.
Do the things you want to do with your children. For me that's going to parks, discovering new library books, and reading aloud.
It stinks to have a tantruming child in a public setting or to be the one apologizing that your child threw rocks/sand/pushed etc. been there, done that. Move along.
Your child can have a hard time no matter what their age, even if you "think they should know better." Give grace, offer a hug, make amends, and move forward.
So. Many. Snacks. I've chopped hundreds of pounds of produce.
I long for my children to use their words, remain patient, listen well, and be calm, kind, and generous!
I love that our Pre-K used the terms "cold prickly" and "warm fuzzy" to describe actions instead of "being mean." Helps differentiate that their choice was unkind but you're not calling the child bad.
I'll always have a sweet spot for three-year olds.
I've attempted to be as nonchalant about food as possible. Very thankful food/dinner table battles haven't ruled our household (at least not yet!).
Cry it out is so hard in the moment, but was incredibly effective for us.
It doesn't really matter what brand of stroller you get -- learning how to emotionally regulate and communicate with your spouse during stress is far more essential :)
Reliable and trustworthy childcare is a gift! I am specifically grateful for Nicole, Mrs. Meghan, Mrs. Sarah, and the teenagers in our neighborhood who have helped pour into our kids and care for them so well.
I love being a mother to my three children.
Sometimes my children make me miserable (such whiplash from the statement directly above!)
It's so nice when your child sleeps more than 10 hours at night. Whatever age that comes for you, enjoy it. Also don't be a fool and sqaunder it by staying up until 1am putzing around on the internet haha!
We've had our share of pre 6am wake-ups/starts to our day. For whatever reason, getting to 6:30am feels much more manageable.
It takes effort to clean your house when you have young children at home. Some days you'll want to give that effort and other days you won't. I've accepted that my house will be messier/more cluttered than I'd prefer. While I'm grateful to have friends that won't judge me based on the state of my home, I've found that inviting someone over is the surest way to motivate me to get some dishes done :)
My favorite thing about parenting alongside Mr. Fleece is that I have someone to gush with in equal measure. We are equally enamored with our children's cuteness.
Still determining our approach to "extracurriculars" and activities. So far, swim lessons is our first and only activity. Until this school year, we've done no classes -- no music, no dance, no Little Gym, no sports, no storytimes. For now "we beach, we play, we read." I really like the concentrated family time we have and will be curious to see how this evolves over time.
I have yet to embrace baking or arts and crafts with my children. I hesitantly joined the playdough train. I do like including them when I'm cooking, and love seeing them on stepstools/learning tower in the kitchen.
Nothing beats an unsolicited hug or "I love you" from your offspring :)
Getting a library card is like having free year-round access to Santa's workshop!
We own a nugget couch and were gifted a second one. They are worth the hype and have provided us with many rounds of three billy goats gruff.
Cheers to all the people tending to a newborn. Cheers to all the twin parents. Cheers to all the caregivers that get their children dressed and ready for school drop-off. Cheers to all the snack makers. We're doing great!
We've opted to limit sweets/desserts to the weekends and special occasions. Provides predictability, anticipation, and a balance. All three things are welcome! We've opted to limit screen time to the weekends for similar reasons.
Our three go-to meals are eggs, quesadillas, charcuterie board.
Our three go-to veggies are frozen peas, broccoli, and cucumbers.
Our three go-to fruits are apples, bananas, and frozen blueberries.
Our three go-to canned goods are pumpkin purée, corn, and beans.
My Favorite Resources
Kids Eat in Color -- like her Instagram for tidbits
Taking Cara Babies Sleep Schedules
Big Little Feelings
Good Inside Online Workshops
The Busy Toddler -- the curriculum our kids do with our nanny
Sessions with my personal therapist :)
My Favorite Books
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7
Positive Discipline for Preschoolers
A Heart that Works -- not a traditional parenting book, but a beautiful portrait of a parent's love
Montessori Toddler: A Parent's Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being
Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Mom Milestones: The TRUE Story of the First Seven Years
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on For Life
Next in my Queue: Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want To Be
Top 5 Favorite Toys
Stuffed animals
Brio train tracks
Play food
Duplos/Legos
Magnet tiles
Misc. Phrases we say
"You're having trouble listening. I'm going to help you X."
"I hear a crying [NAME]. Let's go check in and help make things right."
"I'm giving you a chance to X. If you want to X by yourself, the time is now."
"Get ready to listen, learn, play, and share" (said at drop-off)
"I have a customer for you" (said when handing off a child to another parent)
The most helpful pieces of advice I've come across:
1. Be enthusiastic about the things your children are enthusiastic about.
2. If you're feeling overwhelmed and every day feels hard, focus on these nine minutes of the day: first 3 minutes when they wake up, first 3 minutes when you pick them up from care/wake them up from their nap, last 3 minutes of the day
3. Give each child 10 minutes of undivided attention every day. This can be a real moodbooster!
4. Offer choices.
5. Learn about brain development in children. In general, take a step back and don't get so hung up on when/how you're going to introduce solids, potty train, drop the paci, transition out of cribs etc.
6. When interacting with an irrational toddler think or say aloud to yourself "I am 34 years old. You are 3 years old." to help put in perspective that hey, they're so young and still learning!
7. Don't spend so much energy trying to envision other people's lives (i.e. "how does that mom/dad/family manage?"). Or at least pause and ask yourself if you want to be spending so much of your energy in that comparison trap.
8. When in doubt -- turn on some music or go outside.
9. Parents set the menu, deciding what and when my children are offered food. The child decides if and how much they will eat.
10. Remain calm and patient. When a child "acts out," take a breath rather than offense.
Still wild to me that I'm a mother of three! It makes sense that I'm still finding my way and making adjustments as I go -- I'm just in Kindergarten when it comes to parenting :) At the same time, I joke that with a 6 year old, 4 year old, and 4 year old, I've been parenting for 14 years! The biggest lesson I've learned along the way is to extend grace and kindness to myself and those around me.
Proof of mom :)
- SJW
